Diaper Dilemma

Residing amongst friends with children has its advantages and disadvantages.

The disadvantages being; feeding schedules, early bed times, babysitting duties, dirty nappies, snotty noses, I could go on…

The advantages? Well- maybe something will come to me eventually.

I changed my first diaper the other day. This, for me, was a massive accomplishment- especially seeing as though I was totally blindsided by the whole event. Talk about mental unpreparedness…

My friend Hannah was over with her adorable three month old, Ethan. We were enjoying a quiet cup of tea and a bit of gossip- when the time came for her to pick her five year old up from school. Our boys (husbands, boyfriends, etc..) were meant to be home from training within 10 minutes, so I told Hannah to leave the baby with me until his father got home. I didn’t think it would be much of a problem. Five minutes- I can handle. Or so I thought…

Jump ahead forty minutes and the boys are still not home and Hannah is still away…I suppose the carpool line was longer than expected.

I have to admit, Ethan is a great baby- happy, cuddly, smiley…just the kind of baby I don’t mind being left with me for a few minutes.

Until….of course…I smelled something a little foul. I knew it could only be one thing. 

Ugh.

I decided to leave it (for the good of myself AND the baby) until his parents got home. Unfortunately, the more time that passed, the worse the smell became. I sprayed some perfume and slid the baby seat away a few feet- while eyeing him to make sure nothing funny came out of his nose or mouth. I thought I was in the clear until he began to cry and then my (so-called) maternal instinct kicked in and I thought about how cruel it would be to leave any living being stewing in ones own shit. 

So I picked Ethan up- located the wipes and a clean diaper- and we had a bit of a pep talk as I laid him down on the carpet. It went a little something like this;

Me; Ok, darling…this is my first time so hold on tight.

Ethan; Silence

Me; I’m sorry if I don’t do a good job, but I promise to do my best.

Ethan; Silence

Me; I guess this is a first for you and I both, Ethan.

Ethan; Silence

Me; OK…here goes! Don’t do anything funny, now.

Ethan; Silence.

I took the diaper off and saw one of the most horrendous sights I have ever seen (and smelled one of the worst things I have ever smelled). I felt like gouging my eyes out and stuffing them up my nose. What lay before me were swirls of bright green and yellow god-knows-what, and it was EVERYWHERE…. Five wipes later and it was still all over his legs and bum.

Ethan; Giggles

Morgan; This is bad, Ethan. Was that REALLY necessary?

Ethan; More giggles

In the middle of deciphering between the front and the back of the diaper- the cat walks in and pukes on the floor right next to the baby….as if matters couldn’t get any worse. I yelled, the baby started crying, and the parents were still gone.

In the end though- Ethan was cleaned up with a new diaper fastened on (right way forward as well) and everyone involved survived the experience (except the cat, really.)

So, back to my point. The advantages? I figured it out: the constant reminder of how wonderful my life is sans children.