A Wise Reminder

I spoke with Dana, my best friend, after not seeing her face for over three months. That’s the longest we’ve gone since affirming our soul-mate status. A few hours later, I hung up and after my heart sunk, I realized how much I needed that conversation. Dana puts things into perspective for me- as best friends tend to do- when we fail to gain perspective on our own. 

She lends me her point of view in the worst of times and at the best- she grounds me when I’m flying so high that I lose oxygen and she holds my head above water when I’m sinking. 

She’s my floaties.

Sometimes, more than anything else, that’s what we need most- a bit of outside perspective. But outside the MBA- not outside ourselves…because Dana knows me inside and out- and has a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th sense about my mental state- my downfalls, all I hope to make of my life, my future failures. And accomplishments.

So in our discourse- she revealed a few truths- she put me at ease in a way no one else can. 

Some things I’ll share and some I’ll keep to myself. I wouldn’t want to expose all my weaknesses- and all my secret weapons all at once…not just yet.

There’s been this sneaking suspicion in the back of my mind that I’m making a mistake by keeping the whole “b-school” community at an arms length. By this, I mean that unlike most things in my life- I’m not throwing myself completely into the whole society thing. I’ve keeping it at bay- dipping a toe or two in every so often but for the most part- doing my own thing…my own things. 

Dana reminded me that I’ve always been a free agent.

I told her my fear of not yet having figured out the ideal path for me…that no bulb has lit up in my mind, flashing in neon letters, the words paving the way to career utopia. 

Dana reminded me that my perfect job has never been and will never been one that can be simply defined- in school books or words, neon or not.

I told Dana that I was scared that my energies were all focused on the wrong things- that I look left when everyone else is looking right and I look up when I have been told to look down. 

Dana asked me why would I ever want to look right? Or down? She reminded me that I’m living my life exactly as I should. 

So thank you Dane, when are you next available?

Status-un-quo

I’ve thought for so long about what I should write as my first post in the new year- and the longer I think about it- the more I focus on it- the more impossible it has become. I know it’s not the be-all end-all. I know this- but somehow it has become something significant…like…whatever I write will be representative of how this year will go- what will happen- and how I will succeed or fail in documenting each and every step. Furthermore, whether I will succeed or fail. Period. Terrifying, stuff huh?

So there it is. First post. Now I can get on with it…

Barcelona is freezing, school isn’t any easier than last semester despite the multiple promises from 2nd year students, Italy remains my favorite country in the world- I can’t seem to get enough. I still don't know what I want to do with my life- let alone what type of internship to pursue this summer. The world is still in an economic crisis…therefore there is a possibility that there will be no internships to pursue. 

And pretty much everything else is status-quo. Wait. I lied. Nothing is status-quo. There is no status-quo. There will be no status-quo until this MBA has concluded and the next phase of my life begins….whatever that may be.

Status quo. How does one define status quo? Maintaining “the existing state of affairs.” 

Here, everyday the state of affairs changes. There is no consistency, predictability, stability- and there are no enduring truths. Maybe this is a consequence of doing an MBA without a concrete career path- and on the other hand, the impermanence of everything is a result of how I have decided to live my life. Adding an MBA to the mix only further complicated things- with the expectation and hope that upon graduation, maybe the rest of the world will be more simplified through my gained knowledge. Strategy. Fun fun.

As for the rest of the three week break, I struggled with a decision of whether or not to spend Christmas in England- and ended up back in Miami and then got bored, changed my ticket, and returned to Europe five days later. I spent a good amount of time in airports, a good amount of time eating everything I know I shouldn't, and a good amount of time thinking about nothing.

We are now a week into school and almost at the end of an intensive “Competition and Strategy” course/seminar. After excessive restful reflection and delighting in re-reading novels like Jane Eyre, business policy is no walk in the park. Although, what we are learning- the info that we actually manage to sort through and internalize- its pretty interesting...applicable. To what? Well- that's what im figuring out. 

Each day a few more ideas roll around my mind. By evening- they are either gone or twice the size they were in the morning. Some days, I wake with the fresh idea and by the end of the day- it is buried under all the superfluous info I have been bombarded with hour after hour. If I’m lucky, a shadow of recognition remains and I go to bed hoping that the day will come when I have time to actually pursue these “brilliant” ideas of mine. In the meantime, I’m occupying myself with staying warm at night, paying attention during the day, planting roots in Barcelona, sprouting wings I will fly with in the future, and managing my bank accounts while the Euro-to-Dollar rate decides what it is going to do. 

So status-quo? I think not.