Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Fight Outta Me

It’s quite clear that I have very little time to indulge in some of the small pleasures I used to enjoy on a regular basis. I’m not complaining. This is actually OK with me (at least today it is)- partially because I am so busy that I have no time to think about missing the things I am missing. It is also "ok" with me because I have found new pleasures- and these are serving as replacements for some of the lost ones.

Despite this predicament, I have become somewhat adept at discovering little pockets of time in which I can pander to my rudimentary desires. For example; writing during one of the 10 daily coffee breaks. 
Additionally, I go to the gym. I try to go to the gym. I don’t go to the gym to go to the gym per-se, I go to the gym(I cant believe I am admitting this) partially for the opportunity to listen to music. I miss music- my music- because buried within my music are the notes and sounds and lyrics that make up my memories. 
I have always said it, I stand by it, and I am sure I will elaborate on this point in the future. 

But right now- there is no music. (real music). So ten years down the road, when I am filling my days with other activities, surrounded by different people, different air, different architecture- what will I listen to in order to bring me back here? To this classroom, these streets, my friends- the restaurants I frequent. The color of the sky at dusk- the noise of the motos rolling by underneath my balcony… 

Moreover- how will I bring myself back to the sensory components of this experience? The mixture of mental, physical, and emotional- the overpowering fusion of being overwhelmed, sleepless, yet charged in every sense of the word- rundown and oftentimes disheartened, but extraordinarily happy- fulfilled on one side, void on the other…Barcelona- the emotions I associate with Barcelona. What music will define Barcelona for me in the future?

Maybe that’s something I need to work on. 

Either way, I went to the gym yesterday and my ipod was on random- random like the traffic in Barca, random like the selection of MBA students in ESADE, random like my life.

And a song by Ben Harper came on- “Fight Outta You”- from his last album, Lifeline (which by the way, is a fantastic album).

I was having a “down moment” and Mr. Harper was the perfect complement to the end of my 16 hour day, not understanding financial accounting or managerial statistics, and clashing with group members over immaterial concepts. I had never really listened to the song before- and although it doesn’t 100% apply to my mental state at the time- it does a pretty good job.

So below is a gift to my fellow MBAers- all those who are struggling with one of the many aspects of this new life as well. "There's always someone younger, someone with more hunger, don't let them take the fight outta you..."


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm confident you will find your "Kingdom Come" moment...I only wish it were I experiencing it with you.