Thursday, February 18, 2010

There...I said it.

Today- as an exercise in explicit narration – I have decided to express only very specific thoughts, views and incidents. Don’t take this lightly- it’s quite hard for me. At the same time, I know that oftentimes, I write too generally about life. I make observations and then I somewhat skirt the main issues and rather, take a broad view of this world and my experiences in it. Basically, I’m trying to broaden my skills. Allow me to indulge.

Currently, I don't have the concentration to focus- nor do I have the desire to muse over an exact and meticulous description of my day-to-day life- as a woman, a dreamer, an expatriate- and an individual about to close one major chapter and begin a new one. But what I can do is share the exact thoughts that pass through my mind on a daily basis.

I’m sorry in advance if I offend anyone, but as always, I am open to discussion regarding any of the following issues.

Below is a list of the most significant, painful, judgmental and candid opinions that I happen to have of life today:

-There’s no such thing as a perfect job, or a perfect path. We take what is thrown at us and then try to make it ours- try to make it fit into what we want out of life- and try to make ourselves fit into the roles that we think we should be playing. Furthermore, 99% of the people who came to the MBA “knowing” what they wanted to do- and those who truly believe that they have a path- are just fooling themselves. Ignorance is bliss.

-Life isn’t about how smart you are, or how hard you work. Success comes from luck, who you know and how bad you want it. But mostly luck.

-I’m tired of being a vegetarian- it’s exhausting. It’s so bad, I’ve found myself uninterested in the whole hunting, gathering and consuming process. If I’m not wasting my time trying to find something appealing to eat, I’m busy defending my eating habits to the incessant probing of carnivorous individuals.  People are expecting a fight- at least a healthy debate. They want me to come out with a statement like, “meat is murder” or some kind of ethical declaration- an eternal oath to Mother Nature and her creatures. I’m learning that people, in general, love to argue. My answer? Look down…my shoes are leather. Not just regular leather- but soft as hell baby calf leather. (Although I do feel kind of bad about the baby thing…)

-Which camera brand you ask? Nikon or Canon? NIKON!!! I spent over a year deliberating a digital SLR camera. It’s something I have desired and coveted for years. I’ve hesitated purchasing one due to its bulk- and the cost…but I figured that its really now or never, and I’ve already missed so many opportunities- I will forever regret going on Safari in Africa with a small point and shoot, Angkor Wat, the floating markets in Vietnam, and so on and so forth. Therefore, for my 29th birthday- I asked for an SLR. I did my research, I talked to about a million people and in the end- it was between Canon and Nikon. Solely due to the fact that I have used Canon for years- I chose Canon. BIG MISTAKE. I got my camera, opened it, shed a few tears of joy, went to turn it on- and nothing. NOTHING! The fucking thing is a dud. I brought it to Canon in Spain, and they wanted over 200 Euros to fix it- being that it was bought and is under warranty in the U.S. I have now sent it back home. Between FedEx and DSL- my mother and I have spent $300 on shipping and insuring the shipping. And now? I don't have a camera. Just heartbreak. So my advice? Nikon. 100% Nikon.

-It is possible to be in love with more than one person at the same time. (just ask this season’s Bachelor…yes, I watched it. It was either that or American Idol.) Often times, the problem is not finding love- it’s about which love to choose. And the choice has so much more to do than with just hormones…although someone (mean and cynical) once told me that love is just hormones. Anyways…hormones aside, choosing someone to love entails a great deal more than straightforward desire and emotion- its geographic location, its network, its possibility, its prospects and opportunity. I hate myself for saying this- I hate myself even more for believing it. But it’s the truth.

-Maybe happiness doesn't really exist at all…anywhere- we mistake hedonism and self-indulgence for joy. (This is by no means an assertion- merely a speculation.)

-I saw the movie “Paranormal Activity.” Bad idea. It’s been over two weeks and I’m still sleeping with the lights on.

-I miss listening to the The Indigo Girls. Sometimes I sit on my bed in my pajamas, open my worn-out and tattered journal and put the Indigo Girls on repeat. It’s a guilty pleasure of mine- like chocolate. I cant seem to figure out why I feel so wrong- like I’m too old to like chick rock, or too straight to like lesbian rock- or maybe that it actually does make me feel old, being that my favorite album of theirs was released in 1992. I may as well just admit it- as I’m getting up there. And while I’m at it- I’d also like to add that I listen to Bette Midler, Jewel and Alanis on a regular basis. (My cool rating probably just went down about 10 points…but I’m old…so I don't shouldn't care).

-Some students keep updating their facebook statuses with the number of days left of the MBA- as if its something to actually count down to…like New Years- or birthdays- but seriously…I’m trying not to think about the impending end of life as I currently know it. I wish they would stop.

I think that's it for today. I actually wrote more but was advised against my own judgment to “leave some stuff for the journal.” And after further consideration- this post has been edited to death so as not to make it appear that I have gone “over to the dark side,” as another one of my “blog consultants” mentioned.

Thanks for listening.


Anonymous said...

Well I just found this by chance, just through a friend who I guess got your facebook info because he was another ESADE like you. I was about to turn off the computer and found your blog. Congratulations I just read some of them and here I am, replying for the first time ever, I guess being in Seoul far way from home encourage me to.
Mucha suerte y que siguas escribiendo.

Tamar said...

Hi Morgan, I found your blog via an article about your life as an MBA student in a local paper. First, is this the Spanish song that your roommate's boyfriend was playing?
It's actually a beautiful song, and talks about how nothing compares to hard labor, in short.
Second, I love your writing style! Good luck with your studies/ignoring mean people.