Wednesday, June 25, 2008

The Next Step

I’m back in England- for a limited period of time. It’s kind of that in-between period, neither here nor there, where I am no longer wrapping up my life in America but I haven’t yet moved to Spain.
Therefore, I have this time to reflect, relax, and maybe even define what it is I want out of the next year and a half of my MBA in Barcelona.

After far too much introspection on a trans-Atlantic flight (my personal entertainment system was on the fritz and I cant sleep on flights), I realized one very important factor about this experience ahead of me.
I think, for the very first time in my life, that I am leaving for a new country (and there have been many) and leaping into an entirely new experience, when I’m not “running away” from anything. 
Don’t get me wrong, my life has been great up until now- but I’m fickle and have had a tendency to become bored with jobs/cities/people. 
It’s the whole “familiarity breeds contempt” theory. 
I’m hoping this affliction will change as I get older, but for now- it’s the resentment with what is known to me that drives me. 

Consequently, as soon as I become comfortable and secure in a situation- I begin looking for a way out- the next step. As they say, hindsight is 20-20 and if I am to be completely objective- it would only be fair to admit that it wasn’t only the familiarity of situations that drove me to change my life- but there has always been a tinge of unhappiness polluting whatever life it was I happened to be living at that time. 
For example, when I left DC for Italy, I can’t say that I was completely pleased with what the GW University experience had afforded me. And two years later, when I left Milan for Rome- I hated Milan. And when I left Rome for New York- I was sick of my job and in an intense relationship I wasn’t ready for. And when I left New York for France- I was bored with my American existence. And these are just a few examples- there are at least ten more cities around the globe that I could name…but that would probably scare off anyone who met me in a certain city and considered becoming my friend.

But something has changed…and as detached as I can tend to be, I am at a point where I am unable to step away from myself to consider it. All I know is that I am- at once- excited about what is ahead of me, I can smile about what is behind me, and I am actually a bit sad to leave what is at hand. (And what a good feeling it is!)

This realization has breathed new life into my forthcoming move- if it were at all possible, I am now even more eager to begin. With the knowledge that I am committed to this experience, and I have committed to it for no other reason than the mere fact that it is something I desire for myself, I know that the next couple years will be remarkable. And with the bittersweet sadness of leaving my current life, comes the tremendous realization that I’m doing this because I want it- and not as a means to avoid doing something else. 

1 comment:

Major said...

You better be positive and in a good mood when I come crashing on ur sofa in a short while!