Monday, June 9, 2008

Things I Hate

When I started this blog, one of my first posts was a list of my 100 favorite things. 
I love that list.
I love it BUT- after further consideration, I have come to the conclusion that the “dislikes” of an individual are far more indicative of a personality than the “likes.”
Truth be told- it’s easy to like something…and not much harder to claim to love it.

I believe that a true testament of someone’s character is found when defining their pet peeves, dislikes, and all objects/notions that disturb or irritate them- Most importantly- the things they hate.

So without further ado- below is the (ever-growing) list of the things I have encountered in this life that make me clench my fists, grit my teeth, and roll my eyes.

In my always oh-so-humble opinion, the world would be a better place without…

-Sweaty fingers in mittens
-Elevators without mirrors
-Close talkers (you keep backing up and they keep following you)
-Short pants
-Sports games on the radio (particularly in the car)
-Beards with no mustaches (comb-overs are in the same category)
-Being cold
-Boogers (and people who eat them)
-Alcoholic drinks with no ice (not including martinis)
-Ginger flavored anything
-Sticky keyboards
-99 cents songs on Itunes (even worse...the people who actually BUY them)
-Deserted parking lots
-Bugs (especially moths)
-People who put their seats back on airplanes even before takeoff
-Pushy sales personnel
-The backseats of convertible cars
-Airport security
-Black clothes turning grey from too many washes
-Unnecessarily officious people
-Pretentious novels and their even more pretentious authors
-Litter
-George Bush (W)
-Mortality (and my obsession with it)
-Losing (I hate losing more than I love winning)
-Hard pillows/scratchy blankets/short sheets
-Self-important bouncers
-Cold pizza
-Flat soda
-Frothy mouths
-Jellyfish
-Hand dryers in public restrooms
-E-EMAILS IN ALL CAPS (THAT GOES FOR TEXT MESSAGES TOO!)
-Guttural German accents
-Superficial people who claim they don’t like superficial people
-Frizz
-Belly button grumnf
-Mozzy bites
-Sunburns
-Runny mascara
-Skinny overeaters
-When those little red caviar balls end up on my vegetarian sushi rolls
-Yellow snow
-Alarm clocks
-Cold calls at dinnertime
-Speeding ticket quotas
-Little dogs in designer bags (except for Louis Bernstein)
-Ignorance
-Long- term grudge holders
-When my loved ones tell me, “I love you, but I don’t have to like you.”
-Religious extremists (of any denomination)
-Chinese symbol tattoos (especially mine. cringe.)
-Newspapers that just won’t fold
-Double chins
-Swallowing wrong (and then coughing uncontrollably for 10 minutes. Generally in public)
-Nightmares right before you wake up
-Kids (any kind, really)
-Bad art in hotel rooms
-Kitchens without dishwashers
-Burned c.d’s that mysteriously refuse to play
-Loneliness
-Pseudo-intellectuals
-Cheap tippers
-Headaches
-Plastic corks
-People who know way too much about something inconsequential and then incessantly attempt to impart their knowledge on you
-Affirmative action
-Flowers that aren’t in the ground (above all- flowers in hospital rooms)
-Techno music anywhere but a nightclub post 3 a.m.
-Indecision
-Going to bed alone after a scary movie
-Disappointment
-Bugs in my berries (particularly blackberries and raspberries)
-Men in shiny shirts
-Adults who still blame their parents for their problems

(This list is a work in progress. Feel free to add.)

3 comments:

Major said...

Pushy sales personnel.

AH!

FR is still haunting you?!

Anonymous said...

HAhahahhahahaha...hysterical!!!

Anonymous said...

Bad kissers, dirty shoes, dandruff, backwash, *69...